The Heavy Cost of Silence: A Veterans Perspective

by Starr P.

The recent decision to once again ban transgender individuals from serving in the military has left me reeling. It’s not just about policy—it’s about people, real people whose lives are being tossed aside as if their service, their sacrifices, their very existence means nothing. And for me, a gay woman, it’s personal.

I served in the military during a time when being openly gay was a crime. Not just frowned upon—an actual crime. A reason to be dishonorably discharged. A reason to have everything you worked for ripped away. A reason to live in constant fear. The threat of being thrown in jail with murderers and other high level criminals. Or being kicked out because of who I am was not some distant, theoretical danger—it was my daily reality. I lived it. I survived it. But I saw too many who didn’t.In those days, silence was the price of survival. Women, especially, bore the brunt of it. 

Rape was rampant, yet to report it meant risking your own career, your own safety. Many times, the perpetrators were superior officers, the very people we were supposed to trust. I witnessed women swallowed whole by a system that refused to hear them, refused to protect them, refused to acknowledge them at all. I saw their despair turn to resignation, and in too many cases, I saw it turn to suicide.

The weight of those silences still lingers in my heart. The countless unspoken stories, the whispered fears, the brave faces hiding unbearable pain. And now, history is repeating itself in a cruel and unnecessary way. The message being sent is the same: If you don’t fit the mold, if you are different, you do not belong. Your service, your dedication, your willingness to lay down your life for your country—it does not matter.

As the Chicks once sang, “I’m not ready to make nice, I’m not ready to back down.”

That song became an anthem for those of us who refuse to be silenced, who refuse to conform to the expectations of a world that seeks to erase us. I carried that song in my heart through dark times, through moments when I wondered if fighting was even worth it. 

But it is. It always is.

To those who have never had to hide who they are, it might be easy to dismiss this as just another political move. Thats not it! 

To those of us who have lived through it, who have fought to exist in a world that tried to erase us, this is not just policy. It is personal. It is a betrayal. And it is dangerous.We have come too far to allow fear and discrimination to win again. I refuse to stay silent. I refuse to let another generation of service members suffer the same wounds, endure the same injustices. 

To all the individuals who are being told they are not welcome, I see you. I honor you. And I will fight for you, just as I have fought for myself and for those who never got the chance to see the day when they could serve openly. Because no one should have to choose between their identity and their service. No one should have to suffer in silence. And no one should have to fight for a country that refuses to fight for them. No one should be in such desperation they choose to end their life.

And to those who think we should just accept this, I say again—I’m not ready to make nice. I will not back down!

If you're wondering about the song that Starr is referring to in the video above, it is

I'm Not Ready to Make Nice by The Chicks.

Here is the link: https://youtu.be/pojL_35QlSI?si=dwjhkCtVu9_NsnnV